Is there an agency out there where one can find themselves a new parent? I’m looking for a mother, one like mine with a little added extra. I really would not mind not having mine right now.
So end of last month I received my pocket money, always the highlight of my month. I am a spender right, I never save. I love buying, I can’t control myself, it’s this bad habit I have. This month, I told myself that I need to be disciplined with my money, I need to draw up a budget and stick to it. Mind you I always draw up a budget, every month but sticking to it is a mission I always fail miserably. I can never stick to it. This month I need to have my money because it’s my aunts wedding Saturday (17 Sept) and I’m planning to go all out.
I devised a plan that would help with my blowing money fast (BMF) problem. I’d borrow trustworthy people the money that I would use to buy my wedding items. I would borrow them the money and they would give it back just before the wedding so I don’t spend any of it before the actual wedding. So I did this; I borrowed my mother some and I borrowed someone else some (lets call her Jenny). Both these people knew what the agreement was, they knew why I was borrowing them such huge amounts and we agreed nicely and all was good. The first week went by, and then the second followed, which is this week. Jenny has paid me back my money, all of it. She paid it back earlier on this week. My mother on the other hand, the person that one would trust more, since she is my mother and she knows exactly what the plan was hasn’t!
Its Thursday the 15th now and tomorrow morning is the only time I will get to go shopping because I have other commitments that will take my whole tomorrow. She knows this very well and she still doesn’t say a word about my money. I decide to have a little meeting, a one on one, a bank manager to customer kind of meeting to enquire about her payment plan. Now I feel like a loan shark going to an old granny wanting her pension cards and ID because she can’t pay off her debt. I sit her down and the debt collector conversation went something along the lines of “uhm… It’s Thursday today”
Me: so you do realize I have to do my wedding shopping first thing tomorrow morning
Me: what I’m trying to say is, I want my money back
Mom: oh, hayi Mtha. You know I don’t have money right now and (I just zoned out after she said those few words) all I heard was “you going to look like a grenade Mtha, you going to look like a weapon of mass destruction, jump off a bridge, you might as well die before you kill everyone else with some hideous outfit you going to wear at the wedding.”
At this stage a big kha-mey-ha-mey-ha (a Dragon Ballz term) was forming in my mind. I was fuming with anger and a pool of other emotions. Then she still has the nerve to act like the victim in the situation! Then she takes me on this first class guilt trip that I’ve become so immune to because I’ve heard it so many times.
While she was going on and on I just fumed. I just can’t understand and I don’t want to understand, I just want what’s mine. Now I’m haunted by flashes in my head of me at the wedding wearing some old ugly thing I have in my wardrobe that’s going to make me look like a fish that’s been put in the desert to hang with the camels. In the back of my mind I’m hoping she will come pop her head by my door and say “just kidding”. If that doesn’t happen I swear I won’t go to the wedding and ill cry. I swear this woman was put on this earth to depress me.
P.S. I would really like to know where one can buy the parenting manual because I would like to study for the tests parents put us through.