Procrastination

Hello, my name is Mtha Headbush and I am a procrastinator.  I don’t know when this disease started but when I got it, I got it bad.  I have tried using medication and many remedies to cure this illness, but it does not escape me, it refuses to leave me alone! It’s like a mosquito buzzing around your ear on a hot summer night, you try smack it away but it just keeps coming back, the persistent bustard! When you really irritated you get up, switch the light on to see the bugger so you can brutally murder it.  You run and jump around the room for a good couple of minutes trying to catch the thing.  When you think you have butchered the little man you merrily get back in to bed and seconds later the damn pest comes back!  Now imagine the mosquito experience but worse and you’ll have a slight idea of what I’m dealing with here. 

Procrastination is putting off something, it is postponing.  It is for example - what I am queen at - , putting an assignment off to do other things.  If procrastination was TB the sixty-day treatment would not even cure me.   I don’t know where it came from, don’t know if I contracted it or inherited it.  All I know is that the day of my diagnosis my world changed.  It stopped being the peaceful and orderly world it was; it became something else. 

While on the internet the other day google-ing ways to cure this condition I have, I stumbled upon an interesting article.  This article was life changing; it was revolutionary in my life.  It gave a different perspective on how to approach my disease.  It showed me that I can live a full life; I can be a proud and successful procrastinator.  I found that procrastination, -like all things in this world- is not one sided, it is not all bad.  I learnt that there are three variants of procrastination, depending on what you do instead of working on something: you could work on (a) nothing, (b) something less important, or (c) something more important.  The last type I’d argue is good procrastination.  I’m for the most part a type B procrastinator, which is said to be the most dangerous form of procrastination.  It is unacknowledged because it doesn’t feel like procrastination.  It is getting things done, just not the right things.   I am also a at type A at times but since I’ve learnt that there are other ways, ways to better myself I’m now working towards being a type C.  At least then I’ll be living life positively positive; all I need do is work at it like a crack addict.

Follow the heart

Grab every opportunity by both hands; do what you love; follow your heart, such clichés.  It’s funny how when we hear such things being said we roll our eyes and carry on with life, not even taking a second to really think about them.  Its funny how we say, “arg typical” when people we look up to say such lines when interviewed.  All these are whack lines celebrities use to score points with fans.  We believe all this till one of the oh so cliché sayings become reality in your life.

I started dancing again two to three weeks back.   I used to dance in primary and early high school, then I don’t know what happened but I stopped dancing completely.  A few weeks back a girl, Matsepo approached me, asking me if I wanted to dance with her and some other girls at Mr. and Mrs. NMMU.  I was so shocked, this was so unexpected and no one at varsity had ever seen me dance so I didn’t know where she would get the idea that I dance.  I got tongue tired at the question mark of this question, I didn’t know what to say.  I had so many questions rushing through my mind all at once but the word yes stood out.  Then the words, “I don’t know, I’ll have to sleep on it” weaseled their way out my mouth. 

I slept on it and came back the next day having decided that no, I won’t do it.  I mean I hadn’t danced in such a long time and I didn’t know the latest dance moves and all the other negatives I could think of to justify my reply.  I made my way to Matsepo and when she asked me what the verdict was, I found myself saying yes.  I was so confused, that’s not what I wanted to say, why was my mouth saying things it’s not instructed to say? I wanted to take it back but huge smile Matsepo had on her face told me there’s no turning back now.  I stuck around, attended practice and I had a blast; I enjoyed every minute of practice and every minute of dancing. 

The practices went on and our dance was coming together nicely.  The days quickly drew closer to the performance day and the nerves started surfacing.  The actual day came and the countdown till kill time began.  People started getting paranoid and thinking of rubbish such as falling off stage, falling on your face on stage, forgetting moves etc.  The time came, the music started, the lights went crazy and we were on.  As soon as I stepped foot on that stage and heard all the screams my nerves left the building.  I had fun with it and did my thing.  Knowing me I obviously made a boo – boo but it was no biggie because I made it with confidence.  I held my head up high and acted as if the mistake I made was part of the choreography.  When I got off that stage I was on such a high, I wanted to go back; to think that my initial plan was to decline the offer. 

I’m glad my mouth spoke out of turn when it said yes I’ll dance.  I’m glad I reconnected with this thing I love so much. After this experience I found myself nodding in interest when one mentions the oh so cliché sayings.  This is not the reach for your dreams cliché, it’s not the grab every opportunity one either; it’s more like the follow your heart and do what you love.  So I’m doing just that and I’m seeing myself into pure happiness. 

Cant Dealz

Is there an agency out there where one can find themselves a new parent? I’m looking for a mother, one like mine with a little added extra. I really would not mind not having mine right now.

So end of last month I received my pocket money, always the highlight of my month. I am a spender right, I never save. I love buying, I can’t control myself, it’s this bad habit I have. This month, I told myself that I need to be disciplined with my money, I need to draw up a budget and stick to it. Mind you I always draw up a budget, every month but sticking to it is a mission I always fail miserably. I can never stick to it. This month I need to have my money because it’s my aunts wedding Saturday (17 Sept) and I’m planning to go all out.

I devised a plan that would help with my blowing money fast (BMF) problem. I’d borrow trustworthy people the money that I would use to buy my wedding items. I would borrow them the money and they would give it back just before the wedding so I don’t spend any of it before the actual wedding. So I did this; I borrowed my mother some and I borrowed someone else some (lets call her Jenny). Both these people knew what the agreement was, they knew why I was borrowing them such huge amounts and we agreed nicely and all was good. The first week went by, and then the second followed, which is this week. Jenny has paid me back my money, all of it. She paid it back earlier on this week. My mother on the other hand, the person that one would trust more, since she is my mother and she knows exactly what the plan was hasn’t!

Its Thursday the 15th now and tomorrow morning is the only time I will get to go shopping because I have other commitments that will take my whole tomorrow. She knows this very well and she still doesn’t say a word about my money. I decide to have a little meeting, a one on one, a bank manager to customer kind of meeting to enquire about her payment plan. Now I feel like a loan shark going to an old granny wanting her pension cards and ID because she can’t pay off her debt. I sit her down and the debt collector conversation went something along the lines of “uhm… It’s Thursday today”
Mom: yes?
Me: so you do realize I have to do my wedding shopping first thing tomorrow morning
Mom: yes?
Me: what I’m trying to say is, I want my money back
Mom: oh, hayi Mtha. You know I don’t have money right now and (I just zoned out after she said those few words) all I heard was “you going to look like a grenade Mtha, you going to look like a weapon of mass destruction, jump off a bridge, you might as well die before you kill everyone else with some hideous outfit you going to wear at the wedding.”
At this stage a big kha-mey-ha-mey-ha (a Dragon Ballz term) was forming in my mind. I was fuming with anger and a pool of other emotions. Then she still has the nerve to act like the victim in the situation! Then she takes me on this first class guilt trip that I’ve become so immune to because I’ve heard it so many times.

While she was going on and on I just fumed. I just can’t understand and I don’t want to understand, I just want what’s mine. Now I’m haunted by flashes in my head of me at the wedding wearing some old ugly thing I have in my wardrobe that’s going to make me look like a fish that’s been put in the desert to hang with the camels. In the back of my mind I’m hoping she will come pop her head by my door and say “just kidding”. If that doesn’t happen I swear I won’t go to the wedding and ill cry. I swear this woman was put on this earth to depress me.

P.S. I would really like to know where one can buy the parenting manual because I would like to study for the tests parents put us through.

Get Ready It’s a New Day [GRIND]

In life we all aspire to be the best, to have the best money can buy, to be happy and just be successful.  So we wake up every day, go to school; go to work etc just to get to that place which we dream of every night.  We hear “dream big”, “reach for your dreams” and all these inspiring sayings on a daily and they’ve become so cliché, even irritating at times.  We’ve got dreams, and big ones at that but the issue is reaching them.  Dreaming is the easy part but reaching them is another story.  Reaching them is where the struggle actually is.  We wake up, hustle hard and it still feels as though we are in the same spot; as though we are not moving forward.  This will likely result in us forgetting or losing these big dreams we have.

When this happens we slowly lose hope and some even give up.  We go around searching for short cuts - to becoming successful - which lead us nowhere or in a jail cell.  Life throws us with curve balls and will continue to throw us off but one should stick to their guns, as hard as that may be. 

When life is a b*tch and she tries to make me lose my way I always think of a little short story I once read that goes:  A young man asked Socrates the secret to success.  Socrates told the young man to meet him at the river the next day.  They met and Socrates asked the young man to walk with him toward the river.  When the water got up to their necks, Socrates took the young man by surprise and dunked him into the water.  The boy struggled to get out but Socrates was strong and kept him there till the boy started turning blue.

Socrates pulled his head out the water and the first thing the young boy did was gasp and take a breath of air.  Socrates asked the young boy, “What did you want the most when you were down there?”

Boy replied:  Air

Socrates:  That is the secret to success.  There is no secret.  You just have to want something as badly as you wanted air.

So when this woman called life is being a b*tch and is trying to get you lost in it’s maze  just remember this story.  Remember that you hold the power in your hands; you are the only person that can make your dreams come true.  Wake up with a positive attitude and take every day as it comes because success is not a destination, it’s a journey.  Every little achievement along the way, as minor as it may seem at the time will contribute to the bigger picture; it will be that little trophy you picked up along your way that will have made you that person you’ve always dreamt you would be.

 So let’s GRIND - Get Ready It’s a New Day

Birds of a feather flock together, really?

I’ve always had an issue with the saying, “birds of a feather flock together”.  I’ve always just told myself that it must be referring to birds only; it has to be, because with humans it’s not always the case.  People don’t always befriend those that are like themselves or those with same or similar interests.  They say opposites attract right? So how can opposites be of the same feather?

Take me for example I’ve never been one with the pack. I’ve never fully fit in; I was never a bird of the same feather as my friends.  I could go way back with this, like back but then I’d go on the whole day, so let’s go a few years back, back to high school rather.  We’ll start in grade 8 when I was at Pearson High School.  When I got to Pearson I didn’t have to go out and look for new friends because I had already had friends who had come to Pearson with me from my primary school.  There was quite a bunch of us that went on to Pearson, so finding new friends would just be for fun.  Then a few months in the year the big group split into smaller groups and the black girls had their clique, the white girls had theirs and so did the colored girls.  When the group split I found myself floating, I didn’t know where to go because I just did not fit in a hundred percent with any of these groups.  When we were a big group I fit in because there was a variety of personalities and mindsets. With the smaller groups, everyone was just the same, and they all thought the same.  The cliques had ring leaders which didn’t go well with me, so I just floated between the crews and just hung out with whoever I felt like being with at a time.  They are all still my friends but hanging out together like that just didn’t work out.

Then grade 10 at Gill College where I was a total outsider, where finding things I had in common with the other girls was a mission.  At first, our grade and the sports we played were the only things that I had in common with them.  Then gradually other things started popping up but it was never that instant click one has with a friend/s.  This clique befriended me, they tried to make me fit in but it never worked.  They were of the naughty kind.  The kind that broke all the rules; the kind that would lie to matron at hostel to go to a party; go out drinking and lie to their parents to get money for alcohol.  They would even go as far as lying to their parents about having a camp to go to - to get money from them – just so they can go partying in East London or wherever they felt like.  These girls were bad asses while I was not even remotely close to them.  I was basically the dove among vultures with this crew but I love those girls.  I never took part in their “fun” –because I’m not crazy- but they would come back, tell me everything that had happened, we’d laugh and it would be like I was with them the time they were gone.  They were and still are my friends regardless of our differences.  

My circle of friends now, is not like me in so many ways or I’m not like them in so many ways.  We are all so different; comparing us to a box of smarties would not be fitting because smarties are more similar than we are.  Referring to us as a box of Bakers All sorts biscuits would be more fitting.   We obviously have things in common such as: we are all social butterflies, we love going out, shopping, laughing, having fun and being happy etc. but we are just so different.  I honestly don’t know how we manage to keep our friendship going because one is a “in your face” type of girl, she will chop u up in pieces if you step on her foot; the other is the total opposite, she will sit and let people walk all over her and just keep it to herself; the other is just plain crazy, she does whatever comes to mind first and the last is a thinker, an analyst, much like me.  She is straight forward, not pretentious, generous and enjoys playing hostess.  I’m a think, an analyst, I like thinking before doing (well most of the time) I am very nice (so I think) I love power and I always try to keep the peace. I absolutely adore this bunch. I swear the Lord randomly picked our names out of a hat and decided that we will be friends.  These phly birds are not of the same feather but they sure flock together, all day every day.  Guess there has to be a new saying, or the saying has to have some kind of clause stating “not applicable to humans” well, not all humans at least.

I liked you better before I met you

It’s a chilled day at varsity, one of those where you don’t have an assignment due the next day or a test coming up any time soon and your timetable is just perfect, one or two classes then you done for the day.  It’s one of those days for me today.  My friends have class right now so I decide to go to the library to hang out, surf the net and facebook.  I make my way to the library, the first floor, captains, njoli whatever the latest nickname is for this section is.  This section of the library is a playground, a chill spot and a social area where most of the students here pretend to study but in actual fact they’re here to be seen, socialize and just scout for hotties.  Since I want to hang out and just lay back, this is the perfect spot for me right now.  I walk in and welcomed by some smiles judgmental stares, hugs and a variety of other looks and gestures.  I look for a seat on the blue couch, find it, make my way to it and get my little notebook out, get ready to surf and get comfortable on the couch.  I get into my googling and facebook-ing and as I lift my head (for God knows why), Oh gosh!  Here he comes.  Someone shoot me where I’ll die instantly! Please, make it quick!

Guess I should probably tell you who he is right? Well… His this guy that used to be “thee guy” so I thought but he’s actually just another someone that’s human pollution, just a oxygen consumer.  Now here’s the full scoop; this guy, we’ll name him Tom because this is not some cheap gossip and hate blog.  I spotted Tom last year already.  A friend of mine had a crush on him and she would always go gaga when she had seen him.  She run to whoever that was closest to her (which was mostly me, so it felt) and just melt.  I got interested in this guy, like who is this guy that is making this girl melt like this? And I also wanted to see if my friend had taste.  She finally showed me Tom but he was at a distance and you know you can never judge a person’s looks when they at a distance.  People look different when they’re up close as they do when they’re close, same as a photo, one can never judge someone by just seeing them on a picture.  Then luckily he moved closer to our direction and I got a perfect view of the guy, and yup, my friend had taste for days! 

Whenever we (my group of friends and I) saw Tom we’d refer to him as my friends “crush”.  He then started popping up everywhere and I didn’t mind because I enjoyed seeing him around, he was my eye candy.  He started checking me out, which was kind of weird because he was my friends crush but though I would have never admitted to it, I didn’t mind.  Time went by and Tom and I finally met. He asked for my number and without thinking twice I gave it to him. He called, texted the works, we hung out a few times and all was goodies.he was just what I needed, my transport to cloud 52.  One day I decided to actually have a real conversation with Tom, instead of our usual flirtatious fun and jokey chit chats and boy do I kick myself opening that can of worms.  I forgave him for the first real conversation we had, maybe, just maybe that wasn’t really him talking all that rubbish.  He was so cocky, so self absorbed, so irritating and so not “the guy” anymore.   Then he kept on rubbing it in, that nope, that was in actual fact him all along.  I started dodging Tom, not answering his calls and I even came up with an imaginary boyfriend that would appreciate it if he’d back off a little.  He just became this irritation in my life; the mention of his name would turn me off, it still kind of does but not as bad though.  He was so perfect, so right before I met him, really met him.  The picture of him I had painted in my head would have still been as wonderful as the Mona Lisa if I hadn’t initiated a real conversation with him, sad story.

Now when I bump into Tom I keep it short because I won’t be able to cope with a long minute with him.  Now to those of you with Toms I’d advise you to quit while you are still ahead because all those Toms  are almost incapable of changing.